That Petting Zoo Wedding!

Last night was the petting zoo wedding I was writing about recently! I honestly don’t even know where to start with this. I think I should begin by mentioning that if things weren’t strange enough as they were the bride and groom had the Star Wars theme play before the bride walked down the aisle. Yeah. It was VERY …. different.
Later, at the reception, I received some attention from a man who was shorter than me. This sounds weird before you even factor in that I am only 4″11. I couldn’t (and still can’t) believe the such a man exists. It was really quite a night, especially since there was free wine and we know what happens when D drinks vino!

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Blogability and a very petting zoo wedding.

Sometimes there are things in life that are totally worth blogging about, and sometimes there are not. The hasn’t been much unfortunately. I am still seeing Neighbour and am happy with him. I start school in a couple of the weeks, I start on January 9th 🙂
On December 28th (6 days from today) my friend Mark and I are going to a wedding (we are each other’s emergency dates for weddings and other such formal functions) and this wedding is taking place at… A petting zoo. There will be fancy dresses, tequila and goats. It’s going to be hysterical, you can expect an excellent blog post about it.

This holiday season I will be spending two days in Michigan with some family. It’s going to be quite eventful (no sarcasm, for once). My cousin is pregnant and her mother’s boyfriend’s son has a massive crush on her and can’t stand her boyfriend and they are ALL going to be there.

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My New Toy and My Long Lost Southern Friend

I got a new toy yesterday, a cell phone! I have already had no less than three mishaps with it! I realise that you are probably still sitting on your couch (or bed or in a tree) re-reading the part about me JUST getting a cell phone but i’m going to keep going.

Incident One: I texted Steve and tried to text him “Hi, it’s Dana! I got a phone.” What I actually texted him: “Hi, it’s the FDA, I got a phone!”

Incident Two: I texted Neighbour a really cheesy text but sent it to the wrong number.

Incident Three: I texted M to tell her that I got a phone and I sent her ” Hi, I goi a pjone! gabaha!”

Watch out Bill Gates, there’s a new sheriff in town, clearly.

Sidenote: Someone (anyone, really!) needs to go over to see Stud and give him some kind of sexytime so he will blog, his blog is WEEPING, nothing in almost a month!

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Mom Gone Less Wild

A lot of people read my blog to hear about my sexcapades and misadventures, now that i’m seeing someone that is obviously going to change, but I don’t want to lose anyone! I’m going to keep up with the Chronicles Of Boyfriends Past posts and I will continue to blog about the foolish, ridiculous and often hair-brained things that I do on a regular basis. It will be different from what you are used to reading from me but it will be great and I am confident that you will love it.

I am also going to try to incorporate some kind of illustrations or comics into the blog, i’m working on that and will keep you posted, it should be….interesting.

I look forward to all the blogging I have in my future and I want to thank you again for reading, it means so much to me 🙂

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“She isn’t feeling well, why do you guys have to be such assholes!?”

First of all, I deem it necessary to mention that when I published that last post it said “this is your 77th post, whiz bang!” How funny is that?

Now, on to the story.

This weekend M and I went out for Hoelloween (the weekend before halloween where everyone gets all slutted up) (yes I did make that name up because I am just THAT clever). We ended up meeting up with Art Vandelay and his friends at a bar and having a few drinks with them. AV bought shots of jagger for everybody at the table and when M took hers it just shot right back out (along with some of the pasta she had for dinner), mostly all over AV’s friend who was dressed as Teen Wolf. I cleaned up M’S pukefest after the guys got kicked out and “banned for life”. While I was cleaning up the jaggermesster (I am super lame today!) M came out of the bathroom and some men that were sitting at a table nearby started laughing at her for throwing up. I went from 0 to 100 in all of 10 seconds (I blame it on the beer, I don’t usually drink beer, it turns me into 107 lbs of unadulterated anger). I ended up stomping my way over there (dressed as Daisy Duke, but with leather shorts, by the way) and yelling in their faces. I can only imagine what I looked like, screaming four letter words at them in an decible only slightly lower than a power mower, with my blonde wig furiously bobbing back and forth on my head. That is when I got kicked out, so off we went. We walked all the way back to my house too, cause we’re champs like that.

What a night.

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My date with Neighbour

My date with Neighbour was well over a week ago and I haven’t blogged about it yet, the horror!

The date was okay, it only lasted an hour because I started my period in the middle of the date and I had to bleed and run (too much?), apparently my body decided it couldn’t wait the extra hour or two to menstruate.  At the end of the date I was really uncertain about how much I liked him and whether or not I would want to go on a second date with him. Most likely because I didn’t really get to know him all that well in that hour.

Fast forward to last night and I am talking to him and we decided that since we were both home and bored we should meet up and go for a walk (not hard since he only lives 3 blocks away).  We ended up meeting up and walking down by the water (one of my favourite things to do). I had a really good time, it was seriously one of the best dates that I have ever been on and we just walked and talked for hours.

Long story short, I now have a boyfriend (!)

I know, I didn’t think I would ever (in the foreseeable future anyways) see the day either.

Oh, also I did go on a date with a guy named Kyle last thursday but he was kind of short so that didn’t work for me. Ever since RB and I separated I have been anti-short-guy, he really soured them for me.

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Welcome Back To Me!

I know, I know!

I have been absent, and my blog has been crying. I have been experiencing a bit of writer’s block and laziness, it’s quite an ugly combination.

There hasn’t been a whole bunch of stuff going on but there are a couple of things to write about, I will do 2 separate posts, one for each story.

Hopefully you all haven’t given up on me and stopped reading the blog haha

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Stupid Girls

S is Really cheesing me off today. She is mad at me because I made it so she couldn’t see certain things on my wall on Facebook (I have her under Family, and so the things that I wouldn’t want my family to see I set to post to everyone except Family). Any normal person would just ask me why it is that she can’t see certain things but her fiance (whom I still dislike) can but she has decided to take the 9th grade approach to things and make her status to ” Loves when someone who considers you to be their “best friend” blocks you from seeing certain things on their wall. Really? Like what are you hiding? Grow uppp” and then 10 minutes after I wrote on her wall today: ” Looovess when people read a status you wrote about them making it obvious who it was directed to and they talk to you like they haven’t the slightest clue what you’re talking about lol “. It sounds to me like SHE is the one who needs to “grow uppp” (and also stop extending words with extra letters that don’t need to be there, you aren’t 12, get over it already). She has been hanging out with some new friends and I have noticed her turning into more and more of a jealous, insecure, whiny little bitch. I know that sounds harsh but it’s true and it sucks because I do love her dearly but I don’t know how much longer I can put up with her B.S.

Do I need to even remind you of what happened when we went out for her birthday? Ughh. I mentioned that she was on her cell, texting away, the entire night. She didn’t put her phone down for more than 2 minutes at a time, and that isn’t even an exaggeration, I wish it was. What I didn’t mention is that she flaked out on me and ditched me to be with her fiance (which is who she was texting the whole night) and then instead of taking a taxi home like we had planned we ended up walking home (and an hour early) because she had already asked her fiance to come pick us up and walk me back to my place and then she went with him. So, I got to walk home in my high heels and a tight, short dress in the cold and she got to walk in the leggings, sweater and sneakers that her significant other brought for her to change into for the walk home.

I have known her for a long time, but I can’t stand the person that she is becoming.

End of Vent.

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Art Vandelay No More

AV and I ended things a few days ago. He is a very busy person and isn’t ready for a relationship. I want something meaningful and so i’m going to continue to pursue that. If I find it that will be excellent, but if not then that is okay too.

I have a date in a few days with a pretty cool guy, we’ll call him Neighbour, because he lives right around the corner from me! 🙂

Not much else has really been going on, have been tieing up some loose ends for school and spending copious amounts of time with M and her brother Mark.

I wish life was like a romantic comedy.

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Steve Makes His Comeback

Steve (see my story on Josh) has gotten back in touch with me after 5 years of not talking (life happens) and he is hot on my pursuit!

It’s not going to happen, but still i’ll blog about it.

He called me this afternoon and he was making it very apparent that he is interested in me. He kept mentioning how gorgeous and amazing I am and he must have told me he was single a dozen times during our conversation.  He also talked about how he is looking to find someone good to be with and that his cheating days are over now (he used to cheat on EVERYBODY he dated).

Like I said though it will never happen, even if I was looking right now. He has slept with a few of my friends and he is my ex boyfriend’s best friend. Not to mention the fact that he has slept with a lot of women, we’re talking triple digits,  i’m pretty sure his crotch is where sexual health goes to die.

So, friendship it is, and will be 🙂


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