I’m going to tell you the story of my first boyfriend. That son of a rat’s ass really hurt me when I was younger but in the end I got mine.
I was 13 and it seemed like EVERYBODY in the 8th grade other than me had already had a “boyfriend” (I’m playing it a little bit fast and loose with the word, after all, I was only 13). Then I met Josh. We dated for only a couple of months but he was really special to me because he was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, and the first boy that really showed any interest in me who wasn’t 100% d-bag. After a couple a months though he got bored and moved on to my best (okay, well, only) friend (did I mention I had braces,glasses and acne from hell at the time?). My poor 13 year old self was devastated, I cursed them both, and then moved onto Mario.
Then, a few years ago I ran into Josh and his best friend and Josh told me how great I looked and was flirting up a storm. I went home with his friend that night. Mind you, we didn’t sleep together or anything, we did kiss though and he taught me how to play poker. Me ignoring him our whole conversation and then choosing his friend over him was enough to make him kiss my ass like you wouldn’t believe though. One way to a man’s heart is certainly through his ego, whether you want to earn his heart or blast it to smitherines.
Also, his kisses were effed, his tongue was sandpaper-ish, like a cat’s.
*I dated 3 Joshes. More on the other 2 later.